i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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