did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
