i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
