how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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