You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
bring money and cleavage
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
