you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Randomize
