I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize