And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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