i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
