just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
