Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize