Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
