don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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