You're completely useless in the revolution.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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