So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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