just come out here and I will go home with you...
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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