Already got asked if we're dating
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize