We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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