He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
My vagina is officially offended.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
