How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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