True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
