I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
