i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
