"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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