I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
