My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
