Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
