my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
