Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize