Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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