shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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