I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize