Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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