people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
