we have pet lesbian snakes
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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