Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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