He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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