I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
