oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
