So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
