I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
