running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
