i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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