every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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