We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
