spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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