she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
