I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
