When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
