Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
soo... how was my night?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
