sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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