I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
