so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
