I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
