Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
