Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
