upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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