So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
