I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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