I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
