Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
This is my gift to your gina
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
