Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
