My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
