Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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