Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
