it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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