The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
