he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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