How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
