Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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