in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
