I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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