I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
