You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
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