it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
you traded sex for a burrito?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
