Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
