I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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