I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Randomize
