WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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