ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
