I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
