and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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