carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
home. puking in laundry basket.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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